Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
