Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
tell me about the eggs
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