Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
