I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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