So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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