a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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