So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Shame is for Republicans.
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