and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
