I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
