Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
