he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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