the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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