somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
