Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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