i think i have two assholes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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