Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
