it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
