Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
