Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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