Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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