i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
