Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
