i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
