The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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