I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
