neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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