its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
