went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
