She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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