we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
