He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
