I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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