Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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