he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
