Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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