The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
