I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
