i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
