Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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