dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
