when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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