happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
this is an emotional support booty call
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