So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
