There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
