"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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