ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
