I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
