i jhust puked up my retainher.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
