pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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