I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
