hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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