She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
