I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
